MY TAKE ON ROMANTIC MOVIES!

Part 1: Hollywood.

A walk to remember: A movie to watch and forget.

Girls I know you all love this movie and want to watch it again and again, but I advise you not to. Not only is the movie implausible, it is unhealthy and dangerous because it gives you the one thing which you should arm yourself against with ammunition called cynicism- hope. And we all know what happen when we hope- we get disappointed. Yawn! So don’t watch this movie and go to college wearing ugly sweaters and a too pure to be true attitude and sniff and expect your guy to fulfill your wish list because it doesn’t work that way. Wear hot clothes or don’t bother wearing any and a sluttish attitude, pout and fulfill the guys’ wish lit and maybe you’ll get some where. Even if you don’t get your so called true love, at least you’ll get some ass.

Titanic: they jump and you applaud

Another crazy movie. When titanic sunk I’m pretty sure everybody was clamoring to get into one of those life boats and not running after some random guy they met on the ship. Now why would any sane person do that? Unless, of course, they are “in love”. In the end the girl survived and the guy died, the same would have happened even if she had done the practical thing and taken the lifeboat but no! Then it wouldn’t have made a great love story (and a great deal of money, but that is irrelevant). So for that purpose she does the stupid, oops I’m sorry “romantic” thing and goes running around in a sinking ship to “save” his life. Mission accomplished? Umm… NO! Girls please don’t take inspiration from this movie and go around trusting random people whom you meet in ships, trains, flights, buses, e.t.c and brand them with the “true love” tag because unlike jack they could actually be thieves who are charming you so that they could feed you spiked biscuits and steal your luggage. Jokes apart, they could actually be rapists or murderers or psychopaths or just not as amazing as you thought in those romantic circumstances once you get of the ship. And the once “wow!” guy quickly turns into “eww” when he asks for your phone number so that you can continue with you fraadship!

You’ve got mail: please do not reply

Do I even need to elaborate on the topic of “why you shouldn’t search for love on the internet”. I know you guys too well so I’m gonna give you guys only one answer: - “UGLY!” You may act all pricey and say “we are not guys”, “looks don’t matter” or similar bull shit but face it girls - We are all shallow and superficial and outward appearances mean a lot to us. So girls, if a guy looks like tom hanks, chances are he won’t be looking for love on the internet so sign out and stop “making fraandship” with random strangers. The keywords here are desperate, losers, ugly, jobless and spellings. REMEMBER THEM!

Serendipity: against the Murphy law.

Okay so let me get this straight, they meet some random stranger and fool around, I mean “spend some time” while they are with someone else. Then instead of exchanging numbers, they leave it to luck. Wow! I’m sure that’s how Einstein worked. Then years late they go looking around for that person, this time when they are engaged to someone else. Progress. Then a lot of freak co-incidences later they find each other. And since both of them are crazy unsure freaks, “hopeless romantics” (my bad.) and lets not forget unfaithful, they are perfect for each other. Wooooooow! I guess I should close my mouth now. If faced with a bizarre situation like this, which I don’t think you will be, please have the sense to just take their phone numbers or e-mail id or whatever, it will save you a lot of time, money and energy and don’t leave it to fate just because it is …romantic.

P.S. I love you: P.S. wtf?

Now guys I know Gerald butler is hot and all and you’d love to believe that a guy like him exists whose gonna write letters for you when he is critically ill and about to die but DON’T! Admire his butt and get out of the theatre. Nobody gonna strum “love you till the end” for you coz honestly it is romantic and all but it is really gay. So don’t expect that and instead prepare yourself for someone whose will fart in your face and refuse to die.

Dirty dancing: not dirty enough to make it worth watching.

Good girl goes on a family vacation and sleeps with the dance instructor. Of course I meant “falls in love” with the dance instructor. Ugly girl gets the equally ugly guy in the end. Touching. Wipe the tears of happiness. My sympathy lies with the father.

Fifty first dates: what’s so great about it that you guys watched it 50 times?

One doubt. Does that amnesia thing actually happen? Whoa! Anyway I have only one word for this movie and I’ll translate it from Hindi to English for you guys: “bullshit.”

Just like heaven: just like us to fall for crap like this.

First of all, it’s more of a horror movie than a romantic movie so I don’t know if it counts. I would still enlighten you about my views regarding this movie if I had any apart from “huh?”

Pretty woman: aww!!!!

Proof that guys fall for pretty whores. Sensible movie. Very Realistic.

So girls, please don’t waste you time watching these movies for the umpteenth time and going “aww…” and please don’t expect to find a guy like Brad Pitt in the movie because honestly, you are no Angelina Jolie. Instead watch any Rajnikanth movie because it’s more plausible, better way of passing time and very educative. Where else can you learn how to light a cigarette with so much élan?

Coming up next: My take on romantic bollywood movies. All you fans of ShahRukh, please don’t bother.