Sunday:
6:30 A.M
My eyes fluttered open as sensations of cold overtook me. I could feel goose pimples on my arms and legs. I hugged my legs closer to my chest and brought the blanket closer to my body. My eyes were wide open but my body was still half asleep mumbling curses for waking it up so early. I checked my cell phone for the time. I was about to bury my head under the pillow and fall back into sleep when my eyes fell on what I was sharing my pillow with. My eyes widened, my heart beat quickened and I was filled with guilt as the memories of last night came rushing back to me. I had promised everybody I knew that I would stay away but I couldn’t. It was too hard from me. I couldn’t defy the laws of attraction. The feelings of shame and guilt were pushed away from my head as I justified my actions to myself to be replaced by feelings of absolute unadulterated happiness which I had experienced last night. It was pleasure like no other. The peaceful form lying there on my bed beckoned me. The difficulty of refraining from touch was proving to be very difficult and was causing me physical pain. My curiosity was yet to be quenched. I desired, needed, wanted like I never wanted anything else in my life. My hand stretched involuntarily and my fingers were inches away when I controlled my urges. This was wrong. I should have some control over myself, thought I. but that control wasn’t easy to achieve. I closed my eyes in order to block out the tempting sight, but that didn’t help since that image was imprinted on the back of my eyelids, so I opened them again. I stared wistfully cursing everything and everyone who were the cause for my deprivation of my love. At last I broke. It was like I was a drug addict trapped with cocaine in a tiny room. I felt the walls closing in on me. My stash of dope beckoned to me and my response to it was totally normal. I stretched my shivering hand towards the reason for my living, filled with apprehension. I snatched my hand back as she woke up suddenly. I tried to act normal and keep the guilt off my face but I guess I didn’t succeed as her eyes narrowed and she stared at me accusingly. I lowered my eyelids and rubbed my eyes to cover up but that didn’t work either. My intentions were written plainly on my face. At last she sighed, resigned and convinced that I was hopeless. She shook her head at me and said, “Ok. Go ahead. I won’t be able to stop you anyway”. I was surprised, shocked, elated, grateful, disbelieving, euphoric and jubilant at the same time. I couldn’t get the words thank you out of my mouth so I settled for a grateful look. Unable to contain myself anymore, I made a move before she changed her mind. I grabbed… my new mystery novel from my pillow, turned to the page which I had been reading before falling asleep last night and started reading again. Since I had the permission to read from my room mate I need not bother about all the people I had promised that I wouldn’t read until my exams end! At last! Guilt free pursuit of the guilty pleasure of my life!
- Confessions of an obsessive reader.
